Effortless

I recently received an e-mail that, because of its wonderful mastery of the English language, I feel obligated to quote here for you. In full, the text reads:

We are efforting to get to you and get a linux server to run you over. Are you on ubuntu? That's what we currently support.

“Efforting?”

Now I know what you're thinking: it's not very fair to make fun of people who are still learning English. That is, unless they're named “Bob McTavier.&rdquo

And that, of course, brings me to the dismal state of English in modern America. I don't so much mind getting “run over” by a Linux server; it's a much better way to go than watching campaign ads. (Side note: why did we waterboard the people we captured in Afghanistan? If we'd forced them to pay attention to the last election, they would have begged for mercy and it would have all been legal.)

But do we really need to verbize all our nouns? This guy certainly seems to think so.

Without further ado, here is the letter I wrote back:

Dear McTavierator:

Thank u for effortizating you're effort's. I just want to loop ur e-mail so we can acquisition end-to-end agreement on the critical paradigm and synergize the tactical detail's.

Do you have groupwide competencies on ubuntu? I ask because you have a fantastic team-based opportunitation here. If you can tractionize your marketeering with dispatch, I am confidenting we will wind up win-winning together.

I'm still waiting for the response.

Oops, excuse me: responsification.